I Am A Sufferer of Homphobia

I’m an 18-year-old girl, and I’m affected by homophobia. Because, no matter how much I am pro the right to love, this society and this culture (not necessarily just Lebanese by the way; let’s not over-glorify the Western culture, no matter how many LGBT characters they include in their drama TV-series) has instilled in me not a hatred, but just a general discomfort around any member of the LGBT community. It’s almost like I’m okay with it at a distance.

Before you judge me, let’s face it, many, many socio-psychological studies have shown that we underestimate how racist, or in this case, how homophobic, we really are.

But this deeply rooted homophobia makes me suffer. It makes me suffer between me and myself, and threw me into a whirlwind of depression and panic disorder when speculating about my own sexuality (still too afraid to venture back into those questions.) And it made me suffer with anxiety trying to rationalise that it’s okay if my brother may be gay, while social constructs cause this to be one of my biggest fears.
I am a sufferer of homophobia, in that it has crawled into every crevice of my life and infected me since childhood, and I struggle everyday to get out of it.

I promise you all that I am trying.

– Anonymous


About Raynbow Blog

Raynbow is a nonprofit group that raises awareness and funds to support the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) movement in Lebanon. The Lebanese LGBT Media Monitor is a project by Raynbow to raise awareness and keep you informed about the latest developments from the LGBT community in Lebanon. Our online store: http://raynbow.net Our blog: http://raynbow.info Our Facebook Page: http://fb.com/LebLGBTmonitor Our Twitter handle @LebLGBTmonitor
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3 Responses to I Am A Sufferer of Homphobia

  1. BiSexual says:

    we are ALL here to help dear, just ask and all will be there beside you 🙂

  2. Gaytheist says:

    Thanks for speaking out… we should all fight to eliminate homophobia one day!

  3. Justalover says:

    A great post, targeting a big common issue in our societies, that face everyone.
    It is not ur fault being homophobic,, it is our society built, our psychosocial built.
    We are taught or even forced to accept homophobia indirectly, by the religion, the culture, and other factors.
    Trust me, you r not alone, there are homosexual people, who are homophobic, yeah, they hate them-self.
    Accepting ur brother being gay is a very good, big step against homophobic feelings, it is normal to feel afraid on ur brother from this dangerous homophobic country, because he is not accepted here,, but it doesn’t mean u are homophobic, it just means u care to ur brother and u want him happy, like u hear mothers telling their gay kids, ” be whatever u want, live ur life, be happy, but keep it hidden” it doesn’t mean she is shameful of her son but she is afraid people might hurt him.
    It will take lots of time,, lots of years, to make our society not homophobic, but yeah u gotta live with it, right now, all u can do is support LGBT and anti-homophobia organizations.
    Take care, and good luck in ur life !!! Be positive and happy =]

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