In the Name of Love

I’m a 16-year-old closeted gay boy. I live in Southern Lebanon. The moment I realized who I was was at age 12. I knew it’d be something I’d have to deal with in the future. The attraction I felt to the same sex came from my own body and not some drama I dealt with when I was young. The liquids flowing through my organs were as natural as anything else in my body. As I grew up, I saw many positive gay role models from Glee to people who created this site.

I log in into my secret MSN account that has countless email addresses of gay people inside and outside Lebanon.

In hope that one day I’ll find that person who walks down the street with me not caring for anyone.

I hope that one day someone will hold my hand and make me feel as if the people who are staring are the outsiders.

I hope that one day the Lebanese LGBT community would be much more then a number of sites with members hiding behind pictures of sexual organs and intercourse.

One day I’ll find that person. One day, Lebanon will change, and accept who I am. But until then, I strive to be who I am. I will not hide behind shadows anymore, not even if it’s safer. I won’t be silenced for the sake of other people’s comfort. Guess why? Because my comfort comes first and no one will take that away from me. I never chose to fight this fight, and most of the time it feels like it’s not worth it, and that I’ll never win, but when I see a person on television who fights for me gay, straight, or transgender, everything changes and a brighter future starts glowing at the end of a dark tunnel.

I am a 16-year-old who wishes to be who he is, to walk with the person he loves while ignoring the staring eyes. That’s why I beg Lebanese homosexuals to reconsider their life styles of loveless one night stands. I beg you, seek love and not pleasure. I beg you to consider another better way of living. Even if it means struggling more, or weird looks from people and most unfortunately parents, even if it means risking arrest. Do it, do it in the name of love, if not then in the name of who you are.


About Raynbow Blog

Raynbow is a nonprofit group that raises awareness and funds to support the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) movement in Lebanon. The Lebanese LGBT Media Monitor is a project by Raynbow to raise awareness and keep you informed about the latest developments from the LGBT community in Lebanon. Our online store: Our blog: Our Facebook Page: Our Twitter handle @LebLGBTmonitor
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4 Responses to In the Name of Love

  1. BiSexual says:

    WOW, nice post dear friend.

    i think that we all share you your sad feelings specially that we are all in this shit.

    All what i can say is that i would like to be your friend 🙂

  2. roni says:

    thats really nice… and btw, i share ur thoughts i’m 15 and was appalled when i found out that most LGBT members in lebanon r only interested in 1 night stands…. LIFE IS SOO MUCH MORE… i sometimes feel it’s hopeless… but here’s a piece of good news… i think i saw 2 gay men at a mall in beirut the other day when i was shopping with my parents (the reason i say this is cz i overheard them discussing what they were planning to prepare for dinner or lunch (dont remember) while picking out stuff…. and they dont have any resemblance so they rn’t brothers)….. ANYWAY, what i’m trying to say is its not hopeless…. GAY LOVE/RELATIONSHIPS EXIST IN LEBANON, not EVERONE is only interested in sex…. so keep a smile on ur face, cz i bet me and u will someday meet the person we want to breath every breath with and share every kiss with 🙂 … its just a matter of time 🙂 ….. PEACE, LOVE, AND HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MIND!!! 🙂

  3. Rita says:

    Waw ! Great article ! You are very right ! One-Night-Stands only enhance the stereotypes people have on gay people ! It’s definitely true that although online bloggers and petitions help the community VERY much , seeing two guys holding hands in a mall or on the beach would definitely help a lot more , since all of the homophobes would get some sort of reality-check ( as in “Oh ! These people exist , they have feelings ! They’re not here to rape me ! Oh my God , they drink water , not alcoholic blood !”
    Definitely my favorite article !
    Courage ! ❤

  4. Reblogged this on Hummus For Thought and commented:
    Food for thought

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