I’m a 16-year-old closeted gay boy. I live in Southern Lebanon. The moment I realized who I was was at age 12. I knew it’d be something I’d have to deal with in the future. The attraction I felt to the same sex came from my own body and not some drama I dealt with when I was young. The liquids flowing through my organs were as natural as anything else in my body. As I grew up, I saw many positive gay role models from Glee to people who created this site.
I log in into my secret MSN account that has countless email addresses of gay people inside and outside Lebanon.
In hope that one day I’ll find that person who walks down the street with me not caring for anyone.
I hope that one day someone will hold my hand and make me feel as if the people who are staring are the outsiders.
I hope that one day the Lebanese LGBT community would be much more then a number of sites with members hiding behind pictures of sexual organs and intercourse.
One day I’ll find that person. One day, Lebanon will change, and accept who I am. But until then, I strive to be who I am. I will not hide behind shadows anymore, not even if it’s safer. I won’t be silenced for the sake of other people’s comfort. Guess why? Because my comfort comes first and no one will take that away from me. I never chose to fight this fight, and most of the time it feels like it’s not worth it, and that I’ll never win, but when I see a person on television who fights for me gay, straight, or transgender, everything changes and a brighter future starts glowing at the end of a dark tunnel.
I am a 16-year-old who wishes to be who he is, to walk with the person he loves while ignoring the staring eyes. That’s why I beg Lebanese homosexuals to reconsider their life styles of loveless one night stands. I beg you, seek love and not pleasure. I beg you to consider another better way of living. Even if it means struggling more, or weird looks from people and most unfortunately parents, even if it means risking arrest. Do it, do it in the name of love, if not then in the name of who you are.