A different kind of story

Just like everybody else, I’m supposed to talk about all the homophobic people I have known throughout my life and the impact they have left on me. But I’m not going to. My story’s different, and what I’ve been through is also different. I am a girl for starters, and I’m straight. A couple of years ago I had a best friend, which was someone that was sacred to me, someone I’d give the world to in a blink of an eye, but that friendship turned into something more. We started dating and that was that. A while later he broke up with me and I didn’t even understand why which gave me a heartache for at least a year or so because I had to be around him all the time since we had all our friends in common. Nothing about us bothered him at all, and he was quite happy with our status as just friends again, but I wasn’t. Later that year he traveled to the united states and we kept in touch, until one night he called me… crying. He’d always been so secretive and mysterious that he’d never tell anyone whatsoever is wrong except for me. He kept saying I don’t want to come back because I’m happy here and I found where I belong, you need to understand that I belong here and I’ve found someone so perfect for me; hearing those words made the tears stream down my face but I didn’t let him know. I kept telling him that he has to come back sooner or later because he can’t just stay in a foreign country while all of his family and friends are here, and that’s when he started to cry harder and then he said “But he’s perfect and I can’t afford to lose someone like him and I know I will because I’m leaving”. At that moment my mind was overflowing with thoughts, good and bad ones. I wanted to hang up but I also wanted to help. I wanted to scream but I kept calm, for his sake. I wanted to ask if that was some kind of a sick joke, but hearing him sob made me realize how wrong would that sound. So I told him to calm down and that we’ll figure it out together. I didn’t sleep that night, nor for the next one month. I went through depression but that never stopped me from being there for him.
Knowing your loved one doesn’t share the same feelings toward you is bad, but knowing he’s attracted to the same gender after everything you’ve done together is much worse, but that never turned me into a homophobic person. Not for one second it made me say that gay people are not God’s people, nor that gay people choose who they’re attracted to. It made me realize how much pain they go through, and how lost they must be. I buried my love for him and focused on reality. As a girl, knowing your ex is gay makes you go through a lot of trust issues, and it makes you question yourself and everyone around you. He kept it hidden for so long… I can’t imagine having to hide who I really am to the world for more than 16 years. I am more than a supporter to the LGBT community, and my only best friend today is also a guy. Yes, I only said a guy because saying a gay guy is no different from saying a guy. We’re all equal, we’re all the same and we’re all here together for one reason; to love each other no matter our differences, preferences and sexual orientations.
Soon enough homophobia will disappear as long as there are still people standing tall and fighting against it.

– Anonymous


About Raynbow Blog

Raynbow is a nonprofit group that raises awareness and funds to support the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) movement in Lebanon. The Lebanese LGBT Media Monitor is a project by Raynbow to raise awareness and keep you informed about the latest developments from the LGBT community in Lebanon. Our online store: http://raynbow.net Our blog: http://raynbow.info Our Facebook Page: http://fb.com/LebLGBTmonitor Our Twitter handle @LebLGBTmonitor
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2 Responses to A different kind of story

  1. Guy Penn says:

    Takes a strong person to find such kind and supportive sentiment from her pain. Very touching. Great post.

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